wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
