he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It's just like the Real World with babies
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
