On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
