i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
