either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
