Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
