you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
