Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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