Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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