I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
