Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
