I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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