I look better un-naked...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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