Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
