Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
