i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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