Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
