Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
you made out with another girl for some wings
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
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