I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
