I accidentally burped into my bong.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
