I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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