You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
