I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
