Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Your dad touched me again.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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