Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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