My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
