There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
