So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
