when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
