It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
