i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
