I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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