my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
