Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
