Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
