and next time when you feel me up, do it right
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
