If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
