It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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