took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Randomize
