Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
