I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
