My sheets look like a crime scene.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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