i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
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I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
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No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I need water and some morals
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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