Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
