I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
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