I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
