after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
