the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
