I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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