is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
