i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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