there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
