so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
