I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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