I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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