you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
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Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
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I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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