If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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