Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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