Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
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I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
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How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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