Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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