My friends, they love my intelligence
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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