I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
