My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
