Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
