can we get nightvision for the apartment?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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