found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I deserve this hangover.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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