Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
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She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
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What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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