i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
