I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
