how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
