The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
