Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
