I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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