Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
