At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize