Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
